Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
