you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
