I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
