now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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