Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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