So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
