Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
