Define "chronic" masturbator.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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