tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
barbara walters just said penis...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
