I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
