my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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