How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
