That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
