my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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