I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
