dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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