OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
