the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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