I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
