I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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