some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
