So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
