I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
