i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
