I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
