Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
