Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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