So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
