I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
