I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
