I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
