I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
