I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
