So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
