So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
