It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
