plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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