Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize