I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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