I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
