Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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