You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
