How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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