i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
