A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
