Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
