I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
