I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
