how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
