It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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