So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
