i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
