Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
