i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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