Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
