Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize