that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
