apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
NoShamevember. You game?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
