dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
