Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize