so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
