My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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