just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize