Please, let me fuck your mom
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
