well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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