I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
