So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
