I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
