Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
