Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
