she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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