Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
