Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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