Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
