Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
