I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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