"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize