You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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