In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
