Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
