I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
