Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
