Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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