the condom got lost in my hair
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
