some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize