I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
