Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
