That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
