i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
