I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
