This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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