In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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