This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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