I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
