I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
