I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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