His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
